it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
