he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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