Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
