i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
