just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
