$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
