My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
