I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
