Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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