Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No subtext here. People are naked.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
