I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
