I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
