but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
