dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
