We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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