Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
