when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are the jesus of drinking
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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