im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
