Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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