Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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