and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
there is glitter all over my balls
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
