so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
