Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
