Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
