Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
