Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
