I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
