Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
