I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
