Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
