Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What a dumb baby whore.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
