im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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