I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
