tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
