I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
