Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
