Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
