mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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