She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
