Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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