have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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