O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
