he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
