I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
