we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
