so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
