..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My dick has a subreddit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
