fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
