maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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