i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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