Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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