I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your penis caused this!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
