My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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